The Alligator Smugglers Sidetracked!

PHONE CALLS

One day, the alligator smugglers received a phone call. Can you guess who it was from? No, it was not from Green Elephant, their worst enemy. It was from the president. When Pete picked up the phone, he said "Hello, Green Elephant, you're not wanted." Sam kicked him, and he yelled, "Ow! Don't kick me!" Sam took the phone quickly and asked, "May I ask who's calling?"

Now for the president, this was quite an experience. To hear, all in one phone call, "Hello, Green Elephant, you're not wanted, OW! Don't kick me! May I ask who's calling?" is enough to make anyone excitable. "Have you lost all your marbles?" yelled the president at Sam. It was a favorite sentence of his.

"Oh, hi, Mr. President," said Sam. "Just a minute. I'll go check." Pause. "Nope. They're all there. All seventy-six of 'em. I can't believe it. I still have my boulders."

"Don't be so doggoned literal. The thing in your head?"

"What head, Mr. President?"

Click.

"Now look what you've done!" Pete exclaimed. "You've just lost the important message the the president was going to give us!"

"How do you know he was going to give an important message?"

"Every other time he has remember?"

"Say, that's ture! Remember the last time he called? He wanted us to know about the island full of blue alligators."

"I have bad memories of that one. But anyhow, what's his telephone number?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know either, but it might be 1-602-742-5236."

"Okay, let's try it."
Margaret Brown at the PUD service was having a mighty dull day. It was her turn to answer the phone, and she had forgotten to bring a pocket video game. She was staring off into space, thinking how nice it would be to be an astronaut, when RRRRRRIIIINNGG! blasted the silence. She answered the phone. "Margaret Brown at the PUD service. Reporting any lost pets?"

"Aw, cut it out, Mr. President," said Sam, who was on the phone. "Now you're the one who's playing tricks on us."

"President playing tricks?" thought Margaret. But she said, "I'm not the president, but I can get him for you."

"Please do, and no more tricks."

So Margaret got the president of the PUD service, shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders.

"Hello, can I help you?" asked the president.

"Oh, hi, Mr. President. Could you please tell us what you were going to tell us over the phone before? We're sorry we acted the way we did."

Now for someone to be told something like that at the PUD service is enough to make anyone have a nervous breakdown. "Mr. President" was having one.

"Mr. President. Mr. President? Oh well. He must have hung up when we weren't listening."

The president finally got over his nervous breaksdown. "What are you talking about?"

"No more tricks," warned Sam.

"Listen, somehow I think that you have the wrong number."

"Oh? Well then, what number is 1-602-742-5236?"

"Probably the phone bill you have by now."

"Well, if that's the case, then maybe we could stop this conversation by you telling me the phone number of the President of the United States."

"Are you kidding? No one knows his number? If they did, the president's phone would be ringing like a clock ticks!"
"Rats!" yelled the president. "I wanted to call them back, but it would be busy!"

Hurrying to the Island, Ha ha ha

THE FIRST FOURTEEN INCHES

Finally the alligator smugglers got ahold of the president (or I should say the president got ahold of the alligator smugglers) and here is what the president told them:

"I am pleased to inform you two donkeys (since you are on the WANT ISLAND list) that there happens to be an island rising in the Carribean Sea. It will be up to you to find the island. I heard from my Island Finder that it is hard to find."

Perhaps you will find it interesting to see the WANT ISLAND list:

PETE
SAM

Everyone else are too busy running their factories, but not Pete and Sam.

As soon as Sam hung up, he and Pete started packing for the long journey. They brought their train (just in case they got tired) and track (for the train to run on). They also brought their matches and compass and survival kit. Then they said goodbye to their three pets and told them not to get into the coffee. They said goodbye to their time machine, and then they were on their way.

The pets began to dream about the wonderful times they would have not doing housework and getting into the coffee. They planned on basking at the beach on the Carribean Sea. Little did they know who would be there!

The alligator smugglers had to debate on whether they should use the boat that they already had or buy a new one. The boat that they had was stamped Moneymakers, Inc. They used to think they liked that brand, but now they weren't so crazy about it. In the end they decided to keep the boat they had.

Getting over to the Caribbean Sea was a job. They wanted to ride the train over, but they wouldn't let a boat on the train. Pete thought that that was pretty cheap.

They finally decided to motor their boat across land until they reached the Sea. It worked swell for about an inch. Then they hit a rock in the street. Pete had to get out of the boat and remove the rock, which was about the size of this o, before they could go on. Then they moved the boat about another inch. They hit a rock. At this rate, Sam figured out, it would take them 2 years, 17 weeks, 5 days, 16 hours, 34 minutes, and 19 seconds to reach the Sea. They decided there must be a better alternative.

So they picked up their boat (Moneymakers boats were made to be lightweight yet sturdy) and carried it about a foot. I say a foot because that happened to be when they hit the curb. The boat flew out of their hands with such force that it landed on top of the highest tree on the block.

BOAT IN A TREE

Word got around quickly. "Louis! Boat in a tree! Claude! Boat in a tree! Come see the boat in a tree!"

"Kite in a tree? That's no big deal!"

"No, boat in a tree!"

"Wow! That's something I gotta see!"

"Look at all the people coming to see our boat," Sam said with pride. "You know, I'm getting an idea. We could charge people to see our boat."

"You'd better forget your idea real fast," suggested Pete. "How are you going to charge people when they can see it anyway? After all it's pretty hard not to see the boat."

"Maybe I could get a big piece of canvass," schemed Sam.

"You'd better forget your ideas for the time being, and think about how we're going to get that boat down," said Pete. Pretty helpful advice, I would think.

"Say, you're right," said Sam. So he got a big, BIG stick and knocked the boat off the tree with it. He almost hit about twenty people who were gaping at the boat in the tree.

Pete started thinking about Sam's idea. He began to think it might work. So he got a big piece of canvass at the hardware store and ran back to the boat with it. He threw it over the boat and, while he was at it, threw it over the twenty people too. Then he announced, "See the boat on the tree! Only a penny! See the boat on the tree!"

They never did go any farther than the fourteen inches that day. They slept in a hotel and dreamed about the next day's adventures. Little did they know that they were plummetting into the worst adventure of their lives.
They woke up the next morning to a monster staring in their window. They ran down to the main floor of the hotel with the monster chasing after them. They told the clerk they were checking out, but then they realized the clerk was a monster, too! They ran toward the door, but no matter how hard they ran, the door was always the same distance away from them. Then the door dissolved into a mirror and Pete and Sam could see their own reflections. The alligator smugglers were monsters! The monsters they saw in the mirror started charging toward them. They were trapped!

WAKING UP

Sam woke up from his terrible dream. He'd been having fits all night about the trip ahead. Thank goodness it was morning now. He tried to wake Pete in the bed next to his. It was a rather hard thing to do because they did not have their coffee alarm clock with them. Their coffee alarm clock always woke them up in the morning by saying, "It's coffee time! Get up and fix the coffee!" It repeated this over and over again about sixty times before stopping, but the first time was always enough for Pete and Sam. When the word "coffee" reached their ears, they awoke with a start.

As I said, it was very hard to wake up Pete because of the above reason and because he is a hard sleeper, especially when he sleeps on a hard mattress. Sam tried all methods of waking him up. First he tickled him. When that didn't work, he got him out of bed and sat on him. When that didn't work, he got out his cymbals and began beating them together noisily. Then he had a great idea. He would push Pete out the window! (They were only on the tenth floor of the motel so it wouldn't matter.) First he got a big piece of foam and put it under the window. Then he rolled Pete to the window, grunting all the way, and put him on jacks. Finally with a grand heave he pushed him out the window.

Now there happened to be a needle right smack in the center of the foam, and it was pointing straight up. Pete landed right on the needle and didn't wake up. I guess that proves what a sound sleeper he is!

Just then one of the cooks downstairs said, "Is the coffee ready yet?" You should have seen Pete jump! Suddenly he was a light sleeper waking up. You would have thought a bomb had landed on him while there was an earthquake and a hurricane. He jumped HIGH! While he was coming down Sam went to the hardware store and got a big jack that could lift up to 200,000 pounds. It weighed 2,000 pounds. He hired a man to take it to the hotel with a semi. Then twenty men set it up. It happened to be about the same height at the top as Sam's ten-story window, which was just where Sam wanted it. Finally, just as they had it set up, Pete came down.

"Ooooooooof!" said Pete. But he wasn't the only one who suffered from the terrible experience. The jack got squashed twenty feet.

The twenty men that Sam hired to help him barged into the eighth-story room owned by Mrs. Peacock. "Eeek! Murderers!" screamed Mrs. Peacock. The men did look a little like murderers. They had long hair and long scruffy beards and lead pipes in their hands. "Don't touch me with that pipe!" yowled Mrs. Peacock. Was she in for a surprise!

The men ran past her to the window and opened it. They shoved their lead pipes under Pete and carefully brought him through the window. If the lady had been dazed before, she certainly was dazed now. Her mind was a-whirl. She fainted.

The men gave Sam Pete and Sam paid the men their wages. Then Sam and Pete went down to the first floor of the hotel and had coffee in the dining room.

WHIRLPOOL CATASTROPHE

After the coffee Pete and Sam really got serious about the trip. They decided that since they were smugglers they could smuggle the boat on the train. It worked great, and they soon got to the Carribean Sea. They pulled out their boat (a little dented from their past experiences but still workable) and set sail. They traveled about 50 miles before they saw the whirlpool.

I guess I'm getting a little too far into this story. When the alligator smugglers got to the Carribean Sea, they noticed something dark blue on the beach. They thought it might be a blue alligator, so they went over to the spot and saw not only one, but three alligators! They were overjoyed! Suddenly they realized they were their own pets. They told them to go back home, and to to make sure they did it, they told them they could each have one cup of coffee when they got there. Very sacrificial for the alligator smugglers, but a bit silly when you see what happens.

As soon as the alligators were gone, their pets pulled the coffee can out of their suitcase and helped themselfves.

As I said, the alligator smugglers saw the whirlpool. It was GIGANTIC! The smugglers stopped to look at it. They didn't notice they were getting closer and closer to the center of it. When they were about to be sucked into the hole, Pete looked down into it. Suddenly Sam knew what was happening. He put the motor on full blast and got out the oars. He and Pete started rowing as fast as they could. The energy they put out was enough to keep the boat in one place, but it was not enough to get the boat out. Pete and Sam put out all the more energy, but it was too late. They knew they were goners.

Suddenly Pete had an idea. He would get out of the boat and grab onto the stern, the part that was sucked into the whirlpool first. Then he would blow with all his might. He would blow that boat right out of the whirlpool.

So he tried his plan. The first thing that happened was him being ruthlessly tossed about in the waves. He felt himself being sucked in. "Well," thought Pete, "if you're going to try to suck me in, then I might as well play your game too." So he tried to push the boat out. The first thing that happened here was Pete breaking away from the boat (not on his own accord) and being thrown about like a pea in a hurricane. Why did he always have to follow his stupid ideas? He would never listen to himself again. Oh, why beat around the bush? He would probably never do anything again!

Sam, meanwhile, tried to get out of the whirlpool and save the boat at the same time. I don't mean to be mean when I say this, but Pete off the boat did make it a lot lighter. Thus, it was easier to move.

But Pete off the boat did complicate matters, too. There was no one to help Sam steer the boat. There was no one to help him row the boat. There was no one! That thought made Sam so sad and lonely that he almost decided to jump into the whirlpool himself and be killed. I say almost because he did do part of it. He did jump, but he didn't jump straight into the whirlpool and he didn't do it to be killed. He jumped to abandon boat. No matter how hard he tried not to be killed, however, it looked as if it just might happen.

THE UNDERGROUND WORLD

Pete and Sam struggled with all their might and main to get out of the whirlpool. No matter how hard they tried, however, they could not conquer the strong force of water. They went under.

They they landed. (LANDED!?) That's right, they landed. The racing torrent of water that used to be a whirlpool was now only a waterfall. It had pitched them out on dry land and continued down under the ground like an elevator.

The alligator smugglers were dazed because of the trip down the whirlpool-waterfall, but if dazed was what they were then, I couldn't explain how they were when they looked at their surroundings. Before them was an extremely long passageway of which they couldn't see the end. On one side of the passageway there were torches that lit the path. On the other side there was nothing but a few old Indian paintings and signs. And behind the smugglers was the waterfall.

As there seemed to be nothing else to do, the alligators started down the long passageway. They saw signs painted on the walls, such as "Beware, you may never be able to get out of here," and "DANGER, you are entering the lost land." Sam kind of liked the latter. It had the sense of adventure on it.

Pete and Sam came to a fork, and here is where things started happening. Pete said, "Here, you go this way and I'll go that way, and if we don't find anything, we'll come back here. Sam thought it was a good idea but how would they mark the place? This new world they had discovered might be full of passagewyas! They decided to mark it by the dragon on the wall. They they set out.

Pete found something. He found another fork! It looked just like the first one except this one had a painting of an Indian girl on the wall. And guess who arrived shortly thereafter? Sam did! Sam exclaimed, "Hey, this is neat. Let's go back to the dragon and see if we can make this happen again." So they went back towards the dragon on the wall. But neither one of them ended up at it. In fact, they ended up at such different places that it would take a miracle to get them back together again.

Pete ended up by an elevator. Don't ask me how he got there, because I don't know. All I do know is the fact that the underground place had so many mazes and tunnels that whatever way you went, 98% of the time you'd be going the wrong way.

The elevator looked big, black, and menacing. But Pete didn't seem to notice. He was studying the buttons to push. 1) Entrance Level, said the first. "That must be the level we're on," thought Pete. The next floor was named Adventure Level. "That looks good, but this level already has enough adventure in itself," thought Pete. "If this isn't adventure, I have no idea what is." The third level was called The Hoblescop level. "That sounds interesting," thought Pete. The fourth level was called Coffee Level. "Yum yum!" agreed Pete. But he read on. The fifth level was Midnight Blue Alligator level. "What!" screamed Pete. "I'm getting on this elevator right away!"

Meanwhile, a false deputy named Sheriff Bones on the fifth level was snickering. "What they don't know, those alligator smugglers," he sneered, "is that their liking for blue alligators is going to get them into a peck of trouble. I've only got Pete now, but it won't be long until Sam falls into my trap also."

THE TRAP

Soon Pete was on the fifth level, searching desperately for any sign of a blue alligator. There were signs, in fact. Lots of them. And they all pointed one direction. He decided to follow the signs, in hopes of finding a blue alligator. Pete did not know he was falling into a carefully baited trap.

Meanwhile, Sam had arrived at a spiral staircase. A small wooden sign read "Up to see midnight blue alligators." Sam didn't lose any time in beginning the long trek up the staircase.

The false deupty picked up his can of coffee grounds and laughed a long, sinister laugh. "I've got them now," he said, rubbing his hands together slightly. Then he reached into his coffee can. EGAD! It was empty! "Oh, no," he said nervously. "I've got to get some more coffee. This is not good. This is not good at all." Sheriff Bones picked up his coffee can and hobbled as quickly as he could to the fourth floor.

On the fourth floor, three certain midnight blue alligators were gorging themselves on capucchino, mocho mocha, iced cappuchino, hot chocolate etc. etc. Suddenly, they were not. Instead, they were looking into the eyes of a fearsome Sheriff Bones! "Don't move or I'll have to use this," he said menacingly, brandishing a hot clothes iron. Everyone knows midnight blue alligators are deathly afraid of irons. No less this time, as they crouched fearfully against the far wall of the espresso room.

Sheriff Bones moved closer. "You bozos are coming with me," he said through clenched teeth. "I've got to get you back on the fifth floor." Could anything save the blue alligators?
Pete arrived on the fifth floor. "Hum dum-de-dum," Pete said happily. "I can smell midnight blue alligators." He rounded a corner in the narrow hall and came upon a dark enclosed area lit by a single torch. On the other side of a fence were perhaps twenty or thirty blue alligators! Were they in prison? In captivity they were no more as Pete lifted the latch and let the blue alligators out one by one. The blue alligators rushed by Pete without a sign of graditude. It could mean only one thing: they smelled coffee on the fourth floor.
Sam rounded a corner of the spiral staricase and screeched to a halt. An ugly-looking shrimp of a deputy was torturing his midnight blue alligator pets! There was no time to worry about how his pets had gotten here; he had to save them. He grabbed the iron from the sheriff and said threateningly, "I ought to give you a good sound blistering." The sheriff cowered in terror, getting ready for Sam's treatment. Instead, both of them were squashed by a torrent of blue alligators headed for the espresso machine.

In all of the ruckus, Pete managed to grab sheriff Bones. He hauled the nasty little fiend to the prison on the fifth floor and tossed him in it.

Once more, Pete and Sam had three very loyal blue alligators. Unfortunately, the rest of the blue alligators did not fell the same amity towards the smugglers: they just wanted coffee. At least Pete and Sam had victims for future smuggling.
The five reunited alligators now faced the problem of finding a way out of the underground land. "How did you guys get in here?" Pete asked the pets.

"How else? We followed our noses," they replied.

"Ugh," said Pete.

It took the alligators a good few hours to figure out a way out. If only they had taken the time to read all of the buttons on the elevator:

1) Entrance
2) Adventure level
3) Hoblescop level
4) Coffee level
5) Midnight blue alligator level
6) Exit

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